CONFESSIONS OF A RUM-ADDLED MIND

Rum Manifesto Issue #2

"Scavenging around Vancouver and the North Shore"

Over the weekend, I attended a party that spanned over two days, beginning with a Scavenger Hunt the first night that commenced after the legendary 1.5s goal by Matt Cooke. Armed with 2 disposable cameras and a list of 60 or so items, we packed into my recent acquisition, a 2002 Mazda Protege. Items ranged from the rare, including a two dollar bill and an 80's playboy, to the insane, including the spanking of a stranger and provocatively mounting a public monument.

The rules: take pictures anywhere that clearly illustrate the subject and turn in cameras by 7:00am. We could optionally meet at checkpoints and engage in challenges that ranged from a four legged shotglass race to a blind game of tag involving a mannequin (strip poke-her).

North Vancouver provided us with access to Janet's four leaf clover, smoking in front of a non-smoking sign, pink clothes for the team, a belly-button ring, a funny church sign, an opportunity for Gareth to proclaim his love for Satan as well as a few kodak shotgun moments in front of city signs.

Once the Hockey game and Zwan had cleared out, it was time to hit the downtown for the really kinky stuff...first, where do you find a guy in Chaps? Nelson and Davie, that's where. Also knocked off about five items in an adult store where a flirtatious male clerk posed for a classic picture with G as he made his rental purchase of "Man 2 Man". Also got the 80's playboy and Ang and I making out in public.

The only checkpoint I was in attendance for was probably one of the most entertaining...a deep throat banana contest outside "The PumpJack" on Davie...classy. Contestants managed to non-destructively cram a banana down their throats, 4-5.5", but our G made it to 6! Some replied, "We can't be friends anymore!!!!" Also hit the all-night pharmacy to spank a clerk and catch a mullet.

Robson was a little disappointing, but it does get dead after 1:00am. No cops to high-five other than two who had a female suspect handcuffed w/ a purse on the ground for about 20min, not sure why they were just standing there...Soph danced w/ a stranger.Metrotown...here we found the monument to mount, a mermaid in the middle of Crystal Mall, as well as a golf course to cartwheel over, tennis court to hang off and a tree to climb. Had to be a little creative in making a snowman, catching an "accident" and shaving a swear word into G's head...went for J's spelling of "FUK". G also protested our thoughtless destruction of the Pigeon habitat. Prolly a better idea than mine to protest hockey outside GM Place.

Pictures were amusing the following night, my couple shining moments didn't turn out, nor did G riding a mermaid...in retrospect, we had tough competition from people who went to male strip clubs and danced on stage along with a group of brave, brave souls who went to photograph the skanky mattresses underneath the burrard street bridge, where they discovered a shanty town ala Shangri-La and were chased away by angry winos. "We know where you live!"

The video footage from various points rivaled CKY I must say...

-Duke