Man masturbating to my class today.
Threw a pen at a classmate.
Will expand later.

While not exactly a haiku, it is poetic in its own rights. Let’s start with the pen throwing because it is obviously less interesting than sex. Sex sells, so I’ll use the promise of some weirdo perverse guy as the punchline.

There is this kid in my class. Let’s call him Mike. Mike tends to have a lot of things to say. He makes me think of kids who want participation marks, but aren’t always that clever. Or they are too clever and think way too far outside the topic at hand. There is a girl in this class who suffers from similar problems, except she’s more along the lines of “I’ve read all of the entire works of Shakespeare and he would say that moralizing politics is against our nature.” This is great because you can’t refute a person who has read all the blah blah blahs by blah blah blah. “And the Gettysburg address is a fascinating document. We should all read it if you are interested in the bigger picture of life.” Anyway, I am digressing. Back to this Mike character who can’t seem to stay in focus or on task. He likes to argue, but rarely sticks to a thesis. He likes to be opinionated, and when he’s wrong he declares Devil’s Advocate. He likes to talk, but rarely focuses on the topic, and occasionally on the subject. He’s dogmatic about his interpretations of the world around him, and doesn’t seem to ever want to concede points (granted, he will; but it seems like you must grant him a point before he grants one to you). He talks out of turn all the time, even if it is just to interject his point (I don’t mind when he speaks out of turn to defend a point he made that was refuted). Today, in class we were all taking turns in a round table discussion on Bernhard Schlink’s The Reader. Anyway, as it became my turn to speak, Mike turns to two people near him to begin a side discussion. I open my mouth and close it waiting for Mike to stop chatting it up with the people near him. It’s rude to the entire class. The instructor noticed that I was not talking, and told Mike & crew to settle down and listen. Mike jumps into the discussion as though he had just been called upon to give his views. I go ”Wraaaaaaaah!” and grab my red pen and just chuck it from one corner of the room to the other. Once that was all settled, we acted like a civil class from that point forward.

Now for the pervert story. Same class. I look out the window. I see a guy smoking outside–there is a “smoke pit” of sorts right outside of all the buildings. Admittedly, the smoke wafts into the room and pisses me right off. Anyway, I notice that he is rubbing himself through his jeans. I look again to make sure he isn’t just readjusting, or grabbing keys or something. Nope. Triple check before making accusations, and sure enough, he’s getting off to our class. I get up and mention it quietly to the instructor. We break and he goes over to security. After the break, someone else in my class (who showed up late) noticed the same guy walking around in circles in the parking lot when she got in. Crazy day at school. Mmmm sexual perversion on campus. If I find out that any of my friends should go so far off the deep end to use college campus windows instead of downloading porn, I will have you castrated. Don’t be so weird.