CONFESSIONS OF A RUM-ADDLED MIND vol. 8
(Circular Breathing, Graveyard and Blood Feast 2)

The following relate to events surrounding the housewarming party of Rachael and Karen last saturday night. By the way, their new place looks great...the purple kitchen w/ quoted text is very creative.

CIRCULAR BREATHING

Despite getting drowned out by drums and amp’d guitars, the didgeridoo proved to be an interesting accompaniment. After consulting two people at the party, I discovered that circular breathing isn’t something you “learn”, but rather something you facilitate by unlearning the fact that “while I inhale, I am incapable of doing anything else”. Sounds easy, but training your mouth to squeeze out the reservoir of remaining air and make an audible sound while inhaling is more of a test of self-psychology that you can imagine.

CINEMUERTE, 11:40PM SAT. July 5th

GRAVEYARD
The opening short…imagine if "Clerks" were a horror film. Two guys working at a 24hour porno book store discover after a robbery that they have been killed by the free, rancid employee coffee and resurrected by their boss (played by rocker THOR) to work graveyard for an eternity. THOR was actually in attendance and bent a steel bar for the audience.

BLOOD FEAST 2: ALL U CAN EAT
I knew nothing of this film going in, although it is a low budget sequel to the 1960's "Blood Feast" about an Egyptian goddess statue (Ishtar) that entrances slaves with glowing red eyes, forcing them to butcher people for a grand feast. Despite the horrendous grinding of hands, disembowelment, organ removal, eye scooping, scalp peeling and brain squeezing...the elements of black comedy and satire made for a very high camp factor. Touching upon every cliché you can imagine in buddy cop dramas and porno films, the intentionally horrible dialogue and acting gave as many laughs as cringes...

Highlights would be the main character-turned-hannibal-lector Faud Ramses who resembled Gerard Depardeau, the slick detective loomis, the generic partner myers (eating something in literally every scene) and the various bridesmaid victims including Bambi Deere, Laci Hundees, Trixi Treeter, Misti Morning and Candi Graham. Oh and lest I forget, the father of the bride who is accidently, but obliviously, stabbed by the overbearing mother of the bride…whose body winds up at every crime scene thereafter (which nobody notices). Plus the scene transition "SATAN...Satan...satan...". Can't believe John Waters did a cameo...

Duke