this ends here.

paul has been quite insistent on deeming me successor to his title of "queen of booze"... I feel he jumped the gun and should be stuck with his hooch bitch status forever. he's been eagerly waiting for anyone to make any sort of ass of themselves to he could spring the title on me. but really, let's discuss this.

paul claims the consensus of the party was that I committed enough attrocities to earn the title. there are two problems with this claim.

a.) the general consensus of the party was in no position to make such a decision. first of all, how many people in saturday's attendance witnessed the pukin' paul incident? fair and accurate comparisons are necessary. plus, there were a lot of REALLY drunk motherfuckers at that party. I don't trust their judgment.

b.) the attrocities committed by your humble narrator could not possibly compare to vomitting the entire contents of one's stomach on such a sacred place as another's bed, site of sleep and sweet sweet lovin'.

did I take certain liberties lifting my toga while drunk and pantsless? yes. were my boxer shorts lacking in proper closure at the fly? yes. did I punch paul in the cack on a BRILLIANT no look jab? yes. did I do my damnedest to scare the crap out of peyvan as a drunken lech? yes. did I just generally act like a total git for much of the night? yes.

however, none of these crimes are even in the same league as depositing several pints worth of disgusting hazmat on a bed. I feel the only possible way to top the pukin' paul incident would be to totally shite oneself on someone else's bed, a la spud from trainspotting. that's really the only thing more vile and disgusting than paul's vomitus.

paul should be punished for his slander. let us all remember the story of the boy who cried wolf, and keep this in mind next time he attempts to excrete his despicable badge of dishunour on another innocent victim. and we should all cockpunch him until he pukes.

please, feel free to discuss. I would LOVE to hear how paul could possibly justify his argument, and wouldn't mind hearing from this "general consensus" that paul claims exists...

I mean REALLY paul, if you wanted to pick on the truly disgusting, why not attack bj and his choice of lawn decoration? personally, I thought that was totally awesome, especially the "edward pussyhands" marker left on top of it. but I guess other people were disturbed by both the fact that bj's puke resembled far too closely its previous life as phad thai, and the fact that every chunk of noodle was EXACTLY the same length (thus leading to bj's admission that he's a robot).